Books by Kristin Neff
Self-Compassion is the Kristin Neff book in our library. It is the quiet corrective at the end of this bundle. Its argument is that the inner critic is not the engine of improvement people assume it is, and that kindness towards yourself is more effective than severity.
The distinction the book rests on is between compassion and indulgence. Treating yourself kindly is not the same as letting yourself off, and the argument is that most people who believe they need the harshness have never tested whether it is actually producing anything.
How to read it. Read it if the other books in this bundle have made you more driven and less kind to yourself. That is the failure mode it is written for.
It sits in the Mindfulness and Happiness bundle as the quiet corrective at the end of it. Read it after the driven books rather than before them, because it answers a problem they create.
The book
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Kristin NeffThe case against self-criticism as a motivator. Neff separates self-compassion from self-indulgence, which is the distinction that lets the argument survive contact with someone convinced they need the harshness. The research it draws on is the more careful end of this shelf.
What it argues- Self-criticism is assumed to motivate and rarely tested for whether it does.
- Self-compassion is not self-indulgence, and the difference is doing the difficult thing anyway.
- Common humanity: your failures are not evidence you are uniquely defective.
- Mindfulness applies to your own discomfort, not just to other people.
- Being kind to yourself is associated with more persistence, not less.
Suited to a reader whose inner critic has been working for years without results, and to anyone who has made progress and become harsher in the process. The quietest book in this bundle and the one most likely to be needed at the end of it.
Where to start
Read the section on the difference between self-compassion and self-indulgence first, because that is the objection most readers arrive with, and the book only becomes usable once that objection is answered. Then test the claim on one thing you have been criticising yourself about for a year and ask what the criticism has actually produced, which is usually the point at which the argument lands.
Where this fits
This is the corrective at the end of the shelf. The Art of Happiness reaches a similar place from ethics, Mindfulness supplies the attention practice, and this one deals with what happens when self-improvement turns into self-punishment. Read it last if the other four have made you more productive and less patient with yourself, which is the failure mode it exists to catch.
The rest of this shelf
The Mindfulness and Happiness shelf holds 5 books in total. These are the others, each condensed into a guide you can finish in about 15 minutes:
- Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life by Héctor García and Francesc Miralles
- The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle
- The Art of Happiness by Dalai Lama XIV and Howard C. Cutler
- Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Be kinder, with four more books
Self-Compassion is in the Mindfulness and Happiness bundle with Ikigai, The Art of Happiness, The Power of Now and Wherever You Go, There You Are.
Five complete guides, about 15 minutes each.
Explore Mindfulness and HappinessThe inner critic is not the engine you think it is.